i shall imagine life is not worth dying, if (and when) roses complain their beauties are in vain, but though mankind persuaded itself that every weed's a roses,roses(you feel certain)will only smile


The one night I finally get to sleep early the fire alarm wakes me up. But I stayed in bed and told my roommate to call me if there was really a fire--good thing there wasn't because my cell was on vibrate...

Last night I curled my hair and applied the rudimentary lip gloss, and ended up hanging out with a few of the guys on my floor before I went out. They are the more accepted group, the frat boys, the traditionally cooler, faster, stronger, better looking collection of individuals. The group that I am spend half my time condescending, and the other half desperately hard to impress. I listened to their conversation, though, and it occurred to me, these people are not only tragically incomplete like the rest of us, but they just refuse to admit it. Their conversation:


Guy A: "Dude, I really like the way your shirt gets darker and lighter depending where you stand."

Guy B: "Thanks, man, this is a sweet shirt."

*silence*

Guy B: That's an awesome belt.

Guy C: Yeah, I got it for like 15 bucks. And it's Banana Republic!

Guy B: That's sweet, dude!

Guy A: It's gunna be so awesome when you get the one in that you ordered online.

Guy C: Yeah, I know, I'm psyched.

(Guy B's cell phone rings)

Guy A: Who is it?

Guy B: It's Dana.

Guy A: Who, fugly Dana?

Guy B: No, dude, Gamma Phi Dana!

Guy A: Man, how'd he pull a Gamma Phi???

(Guy B leaves)

Guy A: Seriously, he dresses like crap. And yet he still manages to get the cutest girls.

Guy C: I know, I don't get it.

Guy A: Dude, we really need to get you laid tonight, since it's your birthday tomorrow.

Guy C: Yeah, but I'll never sink to a Gamma Delta Beta. I'll probably pick up some bar chick.

Guy A: Like that fugly girl who came and sat next to us last time?

Guy C: I thought she was pretty cute.

Guy A: Dude, no way, that girl was FUGLY.

Guy C: Whatever, man. Hand me the red bull.

Guy A: Good choice. Sweet glass, by the way!

Guy C: Yeah, although it's kind of a crime to put vodka and red bull in a Jack Daniels glass.

Guy A: Dude, it's your birthday, do what you want!

(I leave, not knowing whether to laugh or cry)


Ummm, sorry I didn't spare you the fugly details, believe it or not, this is the sensored version. And I thought to myself, I hate it when I'm in this terrible thick of things. I couldn't be happy, I couldn't even pretend to be happy. This IS the vast carelessness in the Great Gatsby. It's here, and I want nothing of it.

So, on goes the continual challenge of finding people who care about life. Right now my only task is to remember that they are out there.